Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
