Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.

Fav 8 3315 1034
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(276): View more from Virginia

I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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(850): View more from Florida

They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers

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(207): View more from Maine

No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.

Fav 14 1708 4298
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(816): View more from Missouri

You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you

Fav 8 1390 3300
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(201): View more from New Jersey

No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

You're a rent hooker.

Fav 14 4048 1391
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(609): View more from New Jersey

LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS

Fav 2 202 108
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(256): View more from Alabama

Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women

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