i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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