Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The air was thick with penises
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
