I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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