census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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