he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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