i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
