I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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