My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
