Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
