Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dick very happy bro
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
