OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
