her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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