i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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