she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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