I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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