If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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