Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
