I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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