Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
