dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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