I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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