I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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