i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
