i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
