She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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