Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
