can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
