Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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