She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
