Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
