This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
