Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
