It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
