Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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