he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
