Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
