u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
