Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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