We're like a lot better than the average bears
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
