I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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