thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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