The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
