woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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