I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
