I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
