I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
