new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
