Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
