I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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