I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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