Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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