There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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