Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Four minutes until I can fart!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
