i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
