We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
