I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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