i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
