It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
