break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
