i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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